PSA (Public Service Announcment)

So, I've had a few people lately mention they were considering getting a Boston. After I pick myself up off the floor when the hysterical laughing subsides I usually just shake my head wisely and advise, "no."

Here's my PSA for any possible future Boston wardens/tamers:

1. If anything I've understated the 'crazies,' the obsessive chewing of toys (and human body parts), and the barking (have you read the one about the carpet installation? April, 2006).
2. Eight good (realistic & honest) names for your Boston:
Wuss Weenie Velcro Sleepy Gassy Nutcase Sir Barksalot Slobber
3. Feed them a good diet. You get what you pay for and once Tug was off a brand sold in the supermarket and onto a more expensive pet-only supermarket his emissions decreased (gaseous and solids). He also needs to eat less of the expensive stuff since it's not just fillers. His has lamb and his fur is still as soft as when he was a puppy- some Boston's get coarse as they age. (Especially important consideration with these Lap Hogs.)
4. Bostons work it. They use 'puppy dog' eyes, whines, sighs and furrowed brows to con suckers into doing their bidding- which usually involves opening the treat jar. My motto: if you can't make your hair behave you've no chance against a Boston! They'll walk all over you and expect praise and a treat for doing so.
5. Crate train! A good breeder will isolate the puppies at night time so they're halfway there when you get them. Tug took two nights to settle into his and he's fine. Give them a treat as you put them in and talk kindly. Yes, they sigh and do 'puppy dog' eyes and balk but ask yourself this: would you leave a pyromaniac in your home with matches while you step out? Same thing as leaving a bored Boston wandering around when you're gone. Consider it an insurance policy since they can destuff a pillow in seconds and pull up carpeting faster than a good construction crew. The pangs of guilt are cheaper than the renovations.
6.Prepare to fall hopelessly in love. It's how their species survives!

My 'serious' suggestion (and, yes, this was all 1/2 serious): borrow one of the little buggers for a weekend. There's nothing wrong with a test drive that a competent handyman can't put right with nails and joint compound. ; )